confusion/what if

many times the world & my surroundings has confused me. because i thought i didn't belong, that i didn't know or understand my own place in the world. who could of thought the people in your life who you thought you could count on the most aren't there, they're just dragging you on. and every day i wonder where my place in the world is, what life has in store for me, other times i feel like there's nothing really there for me and so i think of things i shouldn't do, things i wouldn't dream of doing. but life has just been a clouded judgment in my mind. i do care about the people in my life, and i do want to make them proud and happy of me but what good does it do, if people only see you as how your actions played throughout the years, how could you make them see differently of you. easy, you make a change but i somewhat have trouble doing that because I'm afraid of change. if i do continue thinking of the negative thoughts and be swallowed up in my sadness, and if something should happen to me would they care? would they care if i left the world and left them with confusion and sadness? well that's a "what if"

WEEKEND.JUST FLYS~

I can't remember what I did friday & saturday but I can tell you it probably wasn't much. Today I went to visit my cousins, which was alright. Even though they're crazy & what not, it's okay cause one day they'll grow up, and be normal and not act all goofy laughing about butt's and whatever teen bopper's these days do, oh yeah I have never listen to people sing to Hannah Montana for so long, constantly it was the same song they were singing over & over, " yeahhh its a party in the usa!! " WTF. lol omg I was so annoyed and couldn't really concentrate on kickin' they're asses on some game we were playin' cause of they're sucky singing. But yeah, that was my weekend. pretty lame if you ask me. So now I'm gonna finish watching my shows then head to bed. goodnight.

Yesterday&Today.

Yesterday was alright, got out the house, and hung out with Mal. It was the usual, think up of shit to do, & not be bored. First we were thinking about heading to the movies to see "Saw VI" but then, I changed my mind cause I put in a order from a friend of his. So we headed out to meet him got the goods & headed back to Mal's crib. When we got home, we hooked up his xbox live back so we could play online again, played that shit for a couple hours, then fell asleep. Woke up around 11'ish, chilled til around almost 3, & came home. Right now I'm thinking.. I'm hungry even though I ate a whole pizza, a sandwich, and couple snacks at Mal's house. But yeahh... I'll update more later tonight.

EDIT: I LIE! (dont have much to say.)

Updates.

Hm.. where to begin, well the last couple days until now have been okay. I went to go see "Michael Jackson's: This Is It" yesterday it was good although I didn't feel he was giving it his all, probably because he was saving it for the actual tour, but to see him rehearse, dance & sing, it was great to see he still has it, & it's sad people never really appreciated or noticed him until now that he's gone. Overall, I liked it. Up until today, I'm left..thoughtless/confused. During a dispute that happened last night..*shrugs* I don't even know where to begin because I'm still puzzled by it. I really don't know what to say.. because I wish I could of did something to stop it from happening, but you expect lots of things to happen unexpectedly & you have to face the unexpected. But we've been through this, in & out, a lot of times, I hate it. Because I feel I can't do anything to resolve it. Yeah.. I just hope she's happy, whatever she does, where-ever she'll go. I'll keep my word on the thing's I told her & I hope she remembers, Maybe in time we'll forget what's happened & try to resolve it, but for now..
" I Want You To Be Happy. "