confusion/what if

many times the world & my surroundings has confused me. because i thought i didn't belong, that i didn't know or understand my own place in the world. who could of thought the people in your life who you thought you could count on the most aren't there, they're just dragging you on. and every day i wonder where my place in the world is, what life has in store for me, other times i feel like there's nothing really there for me and so i think of things i shouldn't do, things i wouldn't dream of doing. but life has just been a clouded judgment in my mind. i do care about the people in my life, and i do want to make them proud and happy of me but what good does it do, if people only see you as how your actions played throughout the years, how could you make them see differently of you. easy, you make a change but i somewhat have trouble doing that because I'm afraid of change. if i do continue thinking of the negative thoughts and be swallowed up in my sadness, and if something should happen to me would they care? would they care if i left the world and left them with confusion and sadness? well that's a "what if"